[00:37:54] Chalene Johnson: Well, okay. Well, I guess that’s reassuring. Not. My message to you is to go slow, keep your guard up, because something is up. The episode that I did last Friday, whoa, dude. I talked about the gray affair and gray divorces. I wanna give you another call to action. I received so many great emails from you. You can keep it completely anonymous.
[00:38:18] Chalene Johnson: You can make a fake Gmail account if you want to share your story with me. You can change the names and locations. But so many of the emails I got were really profound, and they were heartfelt, and they were really long and filled with so much detail and so much consistencies and commonalities. I’ve only received letters from women.
[00:38:39] Chalene Johnson: That doesn’t surprise me. And the majority of the emails I’ve received thus far are from women who have experienced a gray affair. And I would say, at this point, probably 80% of those who wrote to me basically said what I described in the podcast was very much them. So I’d like for you to know, if you listened to that episode, you’re not alone.
[00:39:00] Chalene Johnson: If you related to a lot of the studies and research that I reported on, many of you said it was reassuring to finally almost make sense of it, because a lot of you said that you were also in a very content, happy relationship and that the affair partner was not someone you were, like, necessarily attracted to or wanted to leave your spouse for, but it did awaken something in you.
[00:39:26] Chalene Johnson: I would love to do an episode just on the gray affair. To do that, I’d like to hear more from you. I’d love to hear from any of you who were on the other side of it. Maybe you did come out to your partner, or maybe your partner came out to you. If you stayed together, what does that look like? Were you able to heal?
[00:39:48] Chalene Johnson: If you weren’t able to stay together, what did that look- Tell me your whole story. Don’t hold anything back. Make it as long… I mean, I’ve got some really long emails, and they’re fascinating, and I just wanna thank you guys for opening up and sharing your heart with me. The email address is thechalinesshow@gmail.com.
[00:40:08] Chalene Johnson: But on that subject, in preparation for last Friday’s show, I talked about a lot of the content that I was consuming preparing for it, and many of you had asked for more details. Mainly, the content that I was watching is on TikTok. They call it divorce talk, so if you wanted to, like, search a term or a hashtag, divorce talk, T-O-K.
[00:40:28] Chalene Johnson: It’s mainly women in their 40s and 50s and 60s and 70s, I’m sure, and I’m sure there’s divorce talk that’s for men, too. I just, the algorithm is serving me up the ladies. It’s basically women who are kind of using social media as a way to connect with others, as a way to process, as a way to get through it, and as a way to, like, document what they’re going through.
[00:40:52] Chalene Johnson: Like, in one video, they’re crying, and the next video, they’re cracking jokes. And it’s not just a couple of n- of women. This is huge, and they have massive followings, and some of it is freaking juicy AF. Sometimes I’m just like, “Wait, where did the algorithm just drop me off?” I’m scrolling, and I suddenly land on this woman’s video.
[00:41:15] Chalene Johnson: Her name is Brandi Hammond, and I’m gonna play for you a little clip. Well, you’ll hear the beginning of it. She basically introduces herself and says, like, “Hi, this is where I read the emails of my cheating, deceased ex-husband because I can’t afford therapy.” I don’t know. There’s probably 50 or more videos, and she goes through and reads this chain of emails that she discovered after her husband’s passing.
[00:41:46] Chalene Johnson: Now, I think she’s late 50s. I don’t know, maybe early 60s. Her husband was in his 70s. She had been his caregiver. They had been married for a long time. At first, you don’t know much about the marriage. You just are like, “Holy . What kind of drama is this?” And I’m gonna play for you one of these audios in just a second.
[00:42:10] Chalene Johnson: I’m gonna beep out some things on the regular show. Of course, if you’re on Patreon, you always get the unfiltered version. But for the regular show, I’m gonna take some things out of this because her ex-husband’s emails to set up these rendezvous were really, really explicit. This is one of the first videos I watched of her.
[00:42:31] Chalene Johnson: Okay, take a listen. Welcome back to Blue Panties and Bourbon, where I read my cheating ex-husband’s emails to the people he was trying to cheat on me with because I can’t afford therapy. Today, we are reading one from June 17th, 2024. This is the same day he was writing to another guy. I mean, he was cheating on me like it was a job.
[00:42:49] Chalene Johnson: He’s writing in response to this person’s double list ad, and he says, “I feel like we should at least communicate some to gauge connection. I fit every criteria you wrote about. I want what you want. I fit your description of who you’d like. I’m 55.” N- no. Lie. He was 71. “A married white male.” Well, he was honest about that.
[00:43:10] Chalene Johnson: “Seven inches cut.” Now, this is the one that baffles me because in different- Like answers. He changes the size of his- which I, I, I’m, I’m honestly baffled by, because sometimes he says he’s 7, sometimes he says 7 1/2, sometimes he says 8, but he kinda goes up and down that one-inch scale, and I, I don’t get it.
[00:43:30] Chalene Johnson: Anyhow, verse bottom, I don’t know what that means. I’m 5’11”, no, he was like 5’9″. Uh, and weigh 184, also, no. Um, 33-inch waist, no. 44-inch chest, maybe. Bubble, muscular butt, swimmer’s build, also, no. I mean, he was 71 years old. He had a dad bod. He had, he had a belly. I mean, it was like a melon. You could thump that thing.
[00:43:55] Chalene Johnson: But whatever. He sucked it in a lot on his pictures. Anyway, I’m told I’m pretty easy on the eyes. I am DDF. That’s D- disease drug free? Is that what that is? Uh, tested and will test again. Last was two months ago. Lie. I’d like s- one guy to be sexual with. I’d want us to be both DDF so we could play however we wanted without anxiety about safety.
[00:44:18] Chalene Johnson: I like a lot of different male body types, and in bed, for me, it’s more about your passion than having a great body. Write me, please. Your ad was very appealing and unique. But I’ve learned that some men just get uncomfortable when their lover offers passion to them. I want one guy to be with who is comfortable with all that and knows I’m not trying to screw up his marriage by giving him the passion we may both be missing.
[00:44:43] Chalene Johnson: And I did not say before, discretion is honored 100%. As far as meeting goes, we can split hotel costs when I can’t host. All my best, David. Apparently, he never got an answer, because on June 18th it says, “Looks like you quickly lost interest. That’s unfortunate, but like I said, neither one of us wants to waste time, so best wishes and good luck in your search.”
[00:45:07] Chalene Johnson: Wah, wah. So that was that for Rick. And so she just kind of ends it, and the next video starts up with her going through the sequence of emails, and it feels like they’re never-ending. Like, there’s years’ worth of these emails, and I think probably from reading the comments underneath, the reason why it’s so fascinating, because here she was married to this man who looks very masculine, presents very masculine, presents as basically heterosexual and in a monogamous marriage, but that’s not what was happening.
[00:45:44] Chalene Johnson: Is that considered a gray affair? I guess so. That’s one version of one. It’s a guy who apparently wasn’t getting what he wanted at home, was looking for something I’m not gonna kink shame, but certainly not what his female wife could provide. But yet he didn’t wanna leave his wife I watched enough of these, I’m not gonna lie.
[00:46:06] Chalene Johnson: I watched a couple, and then I just… I don’t know. It didn’t make me feel good. It made me feel sad. It made me feel bad. It made me feel like it was content I shouldn’t be seeing. Do you know what I mean? And then it made me wonder, they have children, the children are hearing this, and this was a second marriage for them.
[00:46:26] Chalene Johnson: Children from his first marriage are hearing these stories after their father’s passed, and I’m not, like, defending anybody, I’m just saying, like, it can be very complicated. And also, we know her side And he’s not here to defend himself. It’s complicated, and a lot of these stories, it is complicated, ’cause you’re only ever hearing from one party.
[00:46:50] Chalene Johnson: Another woman who’s got tons of followers, tons of views on her videos, her name is Jen Hamilton, and she’s a labor and delivery nurse, married almost 14 years, and she says basically she found out that her husband was leading a completely double life with another woman. What did she do when she found out?
[00:47:08] Chalene Johnson: Well, she threw herself a party, and she called it Jen Dependence Day, and she burned her bedsheets on camera, and then posted the whole thing, like, live. Like, “Here you go, world.” Kind of find that kind of funny. I probably would do something like that too. But here’s a clip of her basically describing the double life.
[00:47:27] Chalene Johnson: Take a listen.
[00:47:28] Clip: Okay, the videos are getting crazy and wild. I’m done being people’s PR manager. My kids know, everybody in my orbit knows, so I’m just gonna give you the nitty-gritty details so it can give you enough information to be like, “Okay, I get it.” And if you don’t want me to talk about this stuff, I don’t know.
[00:47:45] Clip: Like, maybe don’t do it, or, like, don’t do it while you’re married to, like, a super public person who talks about their pubes on the internet. Okay, here’s what you need to know. For the people making videos saying he’s gay, God, I wish. Man, can I please trade reasons? I would give my left foot for that to be why.
[00:48:05] Clip: All you need to know is this person had a double life, okay? Do y’all remember when I was crying my eyes out outside saying, “I wanna talk to the healed version of me,” and I was losing my mind over this person? That was before I knew about the double life, and what has come out since has caused me to deal with this as a death.
[00:48:26] Clip: That’s what it feels like in my soul, because, like, all the memories, all the tender moments, poof, I do not know this person, truly. So I’ve been the only one working for a long time because I wanted to take stress off of him. Which sounds so stupid now. And while I was at the hospital taking care of people, he found the time to have a whole nother life.
[00:48:53] Chalene Johnson: And again, millions of people are watching these videos, not because they’re polished. I mean, these are the opposite of polished. They’re messy. They’re raw. Like Brandi’s videos, there’s no special lighting, no special microphone. She’s not even looking at the camera. She’s just putting on her readers and reading her emails.
[00:49:09] Chalene Johnson: And I get the appeal, right? Like, this is serious drama, and I also feel like we’re starving for entertainment or distraction or whatever it is you wanna call it. But I also think that I would think twice before doing this, even though I’m sure it’s very therapeutic. And the reason why is it’s complicated.
[00:49:31] Chalene Johnson: You can get yourself in a whole heap of trouble legally, in terms of defamation, in terms of damaging another person’s reputation, even if it is your opinion. Even if it’s the truth, even if it is your experience, people can still bring an action against you. And I think that, especially when there’s family members and children involved, I, I think it’s something we just gotta think twice about, and there’s lots of divorce…