Picture it: A brand new pic pops up on Instagram Stories of all your friends hanging out… without you. You do a triple take. Is it real? What’s going on? You didn’t even know there was a get-together. Nobody told you!
Well today, I’d like to give a few tips on how to deal with this situation because, let’s be honest, everyone gets left out at some point. And it hurts!
How To Deal With Being Left Out By Friends
Tip #1: Don’t take it personally.
Tip #2: Give everybody that’s involved the benefit of the doubt.
Crafting a story/narrative in our head — which is most likely not based in any sort of reality — is arguably the worst thing we can do.
All that happens is that we make the situation more complicated, resulting in:
- assuming unfavorable things in others
- self-victimization
- imagining what else might go wrong
“Oh, I bet they didn’t invite me because ______.”
Who knows why?
Until you do know why…
Having the conversation to find out what’s going on.
As soon as you consider having “the talk” with that friend(s) who excluded you, don’t think of it as a confrontation. If you do, you’re starting from an adversarial place — and no one wins when we approach a conversation from the standpoint of:
- enemies
- putting somebody on blast
- defensiveness
The best way to pursue this dialogue is to:
- have a low-key conversation
- don’t play the victim
- make no assumptions
Bottom line: There’s a good chance you just don’t know the circumstances.
Personal anecdote: I’ve done this approach in similar situations.
If it’s something I wanted to be invited to, I’ll reach out, very casually, to that person and say,
“It looks like you guys had so much fun. I was so wishing I was there. Next time you’re doing something like that, please make sure I’m on the guest list (or please make sure you let me know) because I would love to be a part of that.”
That’s it!
And if it (no invitations) continues to happen repeatedly, well then I know I wasn’t meant to be a part of this group — which means they don’t deserve me.
And same goes for you. We all deserve friends who makes us feel better, seen and appreciated.
For much more related to this topic, like:
- Misconception about friendships
- The most rewarding kind of friendships
- How to give advice to a friend who can’t take it
- What exactly is an intimate friend
- When I was annoyed with friendships and felt they were one-sided
- Why you can’t force true friendship
Then, you must check out The Chalene Show episode below!
And don’t forget to subscribe to TCS for weekly shows dedicated to your overall personal development!
