The Realization Stage of a Relationship

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Depending on your source, you’ll find books, blogs and YouTubes talking about the different stages of an intimate relationship. They seem to range from 5 to 7 stages. Personally, I think there are 8 and I elaborate on all of them in my podcast below. Today’s blog, though, will focus on one such (earlier) stage, titled: Realization. Or, as I like to call it, the “Are We Doing This?” stage.

The Realization Phase of an Intimate Relationship

Because no two people are alike — which makes every relationship unbelievably unique — this realization stage may present itself differently from couple to couple. This is due to many factors, like:

  • feelings
  • experiences
  • background
  • past

The realization stage is when we start to see things more realistically, but, yet, we’re really still into the other person.

This is often the make-it-or-break-it moment for a relationship.

Let’s imagine an example of a fearful partner.

If somebody has a fear of…

  • commitment
  • attachment
  • being abandoned

…they may start to become:

  • cold
  • distant
  • less dependable
  • uncommunicative

So it’s not uncommon for this fearful partner — in the realization stage — to put more pressure on the other person. Especially, if they’re not confident that the other partner feels the same way.

And that is when they may think things, like:

“Oh, you know what? I don’t like this pressure. I’m getting nervous, I’m getting scared, I’m getting cold feet.”

Certainly, they’re not going to say that — but that’s what’s likely to be felt. And when it does, it heightens their other flaws. Hence,  oftentimes, this is when relationships separate.

The Realization Stage can Lead to a Break Up

How To Get Past The Realization Stage

Talk about it! If you can communicate with each other when you’re in this stage about the…

  • fears that you have
  • doubts that you have
  • questions you’re having

…this whole chapter just become a little more low-key and you can get through it. And that’s a pretty cool thing!

But what is the stage that directly precedes the realization stage? Or the one that immediately follows? For that and the rest of the CAN’T-MISS stages (and my breakdown, with personal anecdotes of each), check out this episode of The Chalene Show:

And don’t forget to subscribe to TCS for weekly shows aimed at your overall happiness and wellbeing!


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