I believe Bret, my husband, and I have — what I like to call — a 2.0 marriage. Meaning, we’ve had seemingly insurmountable obstacles, overcame them, and, today, enjoy a relationship far more beautiful than we could have ever imagined. That said, answering the question, what’s the #1 secret to a successful marriage? isn’t exactly easy. There’s not one formula. At the end of the day, all relationships — especially marriage — are multifaceted.
So, I put the question to my audience (on Instagram) because I wanted to see, specifically, what type of responses I got from individuals who are incredibly satisfied (in their own words) with their partner and their marriage, in general.
And while the responses had a lot of commonalities, there was definitely a #1 response.
The #1 Secret To A Successful Marriage
That number one answer?
You have to be good with who you are.
In other words, YOU have to be:
- complete
- whole
- confident
Feeling as if you need…
- validation
- justification
- love
…from someone else, is truly a recipe for marriage disaster.
Basically, it’s up to you to do the work on yourself.
Here’s an example of just one reply I received on Instagram,
“Honestly, I got it wrong in my first marriage. Then I worked on myself, I fixed myself. So I eventually was able to attract the right kind of person, and also then I was able to appreciate that I didn’t have to change someone else.”
Powerful, right?!
To reiterate, step one is to:
- be a whole person
- fix as many of your broken parts as possible
- address your traumas, fears, hurts, pains
The key is to confront as many of your unresolved issues as possible before bringing yourself to another person. Because the last thing you ever want to do is expect some prospective significant other to heal you.
Another person cannot make you feel:
- loved
- complete
- enough
Don’t get me wrong, though. I definitely think that the people we’re with can make us feel better about who we are.
But you first have to feel like you don’t need that in someone else; that it’s simply the icing on the cake.
For much more related to this topic, like:
- The power of being selfless with your partner
- How my audience defines poor communication
- The cornerstone of a strong relationship
- How partners described power imbalances in their marriage
Then, you must check out this episode of The Chalene Show:
And don’t forget to subscribe to TCS for weekly shows dedicated to your overall happiness, good health and productivity!
