While there’s no guarantee you’ll get someone to forgive you after hurting / betraying them, there are certainly ways to heal — and, perhaps, even fully restore — such relationships.
And first and foremost, in my opinion, if you’re looking for forgiveness, you must truly have remorse. Which is why this blog is gong to center around THAT emotion.
Personally, I just don’t think it’s possible for someone to forgive (and fully trust again) when there’s no real deep remorse on the part of the person who did the betraying.
That pain just continues to resurface.
At least, that’s what I’ve been told after listening to thousands of stories from hurt and betrayed lifers (in my DMs, reviews, emails) and a few close friends.
A simple, “I’m sorry” is not going to cut it.
Personal anecdote: I have an acquaintance of mine, both she and her husband took part in extramarital affairs. And neither one of them ever showed remorse towards each other. So, interestingly, they both would bring up the (precarious) subject regularly to — for whatever subconscious or masochistic reason — keep the argument going, it seems. They continued to torture each other with the issue because there was never a true apology — from either party.
If you are the person who did the betraying and you truly want trust to be restored and the betrayed to forgive, it is your job to:
- Fix it
- Rebuild the trust
- Show and feel remorse
- Answer all the questions
For example, let’s say you’re a gambler (like my husband was) and you’ve lost trust from your significant other. You must repair it! And, to be frank, you should probably wake up every single day and say things, like:
- “I’m sorry.”
- “I love you.”
- “I’m going to make this right.”
More than Remorse
If you really want your partner to forgive you, then you must give them full access to freaking everything.
See, the person who was betrayed is constantly — for a long, long time — trying to figure out if they should give you an inch when you might not deserve it. It’s your job to earn it back.
So, give them full access to all the things, okay? Find your iPhone is always on!
And if you’re not willing to do that, then you’re too proud to make this work and YOU are the problem.
The healing starts with you.
For much more on this subject, like:
- The first thing I’ve come to realize about those who have betrayed me
- The value in trying to understand the past of someone who has betrayed you
- How I worked to understand Bret and his history (after betrayal)
Then, check out The Chalene Show below:
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