Overthinking in a relationship is all too common and all too futile. How do you know if this is you? Well, do you ever find yourself going through a series of questions like,
- “Okay, did I offend that person?”
- “Did he take that the wrong way?”
- “Why isn’t she responding to my text messages?”
- “Does he think I’m weird?”
- “Should I just reach out to her?”
Having thoughts like these is what makes us human, but it’s also oftentimes a downward cycle. It can become a problem. In fact, it’s what the brain is designed to do. The brain is designed to protect us, and the reason we have all these what if thoughts is because we’re trying to make sure we don’t get harmed — that we don’t get eaten by a predator.
It’s a primitive way of thinking. Sometimes, though, our wiring goes wrong, goes haywire, and it can leave us feeling consumed, overwhelmed, and paralyzed by these thoughts. We must put an end to this cycle!
Here’s how you can begin to stop this process immediately.
Number one: Stop thinking and start writing.
When you catch yourself having too many thoughts, stop. Take out a piece of paper and just write them down. You don’t need a plan. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. You do it in a brainstorming effect, and it’s amazing. What you’ll be left with is silence, clarity, focus.
Number two: Focus on your destination.
Most of those thoughts, especially if it has anything to do with the past, are like weight dragging you back into yesterday’s conversation. Dragging you back into an argument you had five years ago. And as it’s pulling you back, you cannot move forward. Focus on the road ahead and release yourself from the weight of the past.
Number three: Give yourself permission.
Take an appropriate length of time to process negative thoughts as they begin coming to you, but don’t allow yourself to stay in that state for too long.
Number four: Answer the “what if?”
We often have these hypotheticals that are going through our head like, “Well, I wonder if they were offended by what I said yesterday? I wonder if they took that the wrong way?” So, if that’s a thought, answer the question with the worst possible scenario as the outcome. It’s never as bad as we think.
Number five: Understand where this started and put an end to it.
For most people, this starts deep in childhood. It begins by wanting and feeling like we need everything to be perfect.
Guess what, friend? Nothing’s going to get better until you stop overthinking and you just freaking pull the trigger and be prepared for it — your relationship, business, or diet — to be a complete flop. This way, you can quickly fix it, get back on your feet, and do it again a little bit better.
You’ve got two choices:
1) Accept mediocrity by feeling that burning desire inside of you that you never fulfill because you’re so busy overthinking things, waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect time, the perfect opportunity, and then worrying if you did it right.
2) Start making it messy today. Go for it. Plan to fail so that you can improve upon it and make it better. You’ve got to stop overthinking this! Once you give your best push, accept that that’s what it is. Each time you put forth effort, you’re one step closer to success.
For far more clarity and detail on this subject, including WHY you shouldn’t be overthinking, you need to check out How To Stop Overthinking Things on The Chalene Show NOW!