We’ve all experienced anger. But how do we know when it becomes an actual problem in our lives?
Let’s cover general anger first.
Example 1: The parking spot.
You’ve been waiting patiently for 10 minutes for this woman to back out of her parking spot. And when she finally does, someone in their little sports swoops in and grabs it.
You feel this instant rage, right? I mean, we’ve all been there.
And then you wrestle with thoughts. Like, do I:
- Get out of my car and give this person a piece of my mind?
- Roll down the window and flip ’em off?
- Take a deep breath, realize it’s not that big of a deal, and go back to circling the parking lot?
Example 2: Strangers on social media.
Someone has just commented something rude (and seemingly personal!) on your newest IG post. So, you sit down and decide to draft the most eloquent and poignant response to this internet troll. After an hour of preparing this response, you post it with pride.
But after checking your app every hour on the hour, there’s no response from said troll.
This feeling of anger stays with you for maybe 24 hours — even though you don’t know this person from Eve and her profile pic is a cat with 11 followers and zero posts.
Those two examples are situations where we can all learn to better manage our emotional state.
Where anger becomes a problem, though, is when these types of incidents happen every day.
At such point, you have to ask yourself if there’s something:
- bubbling underneath
- deeper you need to confront
- subconscious running the show
When all these simple infractions feel monumental, it’s very much a sign there’s pain and hurt that you need to address.
It’s those times when your anger doesn’t match your knowledge or your common sense. When there’s no being right or wrong and your best bet is to just ignore the situation. You can’t win in a fight against a non-thinking person.
Plus — there’s no winning when it comes to anger. In fact, anger makes us lose.
For much more on anger, including…
- How we use anger to mask other emotions
- Questions to ask yourself when you get angry (in different scenarios)
- The power of forgiveness and the role it plays in releasing anger
- A revelatory moment I experienced in therapy (re: my anger)
- The side effects of not releasing the anger you feel toward someone
- Why / how your resentment from the past affects your present life
- How empathy plays a role in healing from anger and resentment
…then make sure you check out The Chalene Show episode below: