I’m not going to lie, I have been (and still am) guilty of helping others too much. And it’s not as martyr-like as it sounds. It’s actually quite unhealthy and can lead to major problems for all involved.
So today, I thought I’d provide a checklist, if you will, that’ll provide some clarity as to whether or not you, too, are an over-helper.
When Is Helping Someone Too Much?
First off, it’s great to help people! Hopefully, it’s clear I’m not trying to be an island over here — ignoring family or friends in their time of need.
What this blog is about, though, is curbing how far one might go in their desire to serve others.
Let’s be honest, it doesn’t do the person whom you’re “saving” or trying to do everything for any good.
It makes them feel:
- dependent upon you
- unable to make the right decisions
Don’t you want the people you love to believe in themselves?
Subconsciously, none of us are helping others (too much) on purpose. But it’s time to stop.
Here are question to ask yourself that’ll help you recognize when this (your need to butt in and help) is happening and, more importantly, taking place more often than it should.
Question 1: When I’m not helping people, do I feel like I don’t have purpose?
Question 2: Do I offer others unsolicited advice?
Take, for example, a social setting and you’re like,
“Yeah, I don’t know if this is helpful or not, but I wanted to share this with you.”
Question 3: Do I feel defensive or dismissive when I learn that people I’ve helped have found another person’s advice more helpful … or that they didn’t consult with me on a problem they knew I could help them with?
I have to admit it — this is a yes for me.
For instance, when I may have learned that somebody could’ve just asked me a quick question and, in turn, I would’ve saved them a lot of money or, at the very least, a headache.
Question 4: Do you imagine helping others with life-changing advice and visualizing how your advice could be vital to their success?
Question 5: Do you feel insecure when someone you help questions you or doesn’t take your advice?
For many more questions that’ll help you discern whether you help too much, plus:
- An audio recording that finds me in the middle of realizing how much this character flaw/bad habit (of over-helping) crept back into my life
- My self-realization about the friendships I’m drawn to
- What is the White Knight Syndrome
- Tips on how to stop over-helping
Then you must check out this episode of The Chalene Show:
And don’t forget to subscribe to TCS for weekly shows dedicated to your overall personal development!