I recently took to my Instagram and asked people what questions they may have in regard to friendship. Without a doubt, the #1 inquiry was along the lines of, “How do I avoid not feeling hurt when I have been left out by my friends?”
What To Do When You Feel Left Out By Friends
1: No one can hurt us without permission.
In other words, we have to first give others that much significance and power over our self-worth.
That’s why, as I’ve said often on my podcast, I don’t think I’ve ever been hurt by a friend in my life. Sure, I’ve felt:
- Disappointed
- Saddened by someone’s actions
- Surprised by uncharacteristic behavior
But — I will never give somebody that much power over my value that, in turn, allows them to (potentially) hurt me.
2. Don’t take it personally.
Picture it: You’ve got a group of friends and you see, on Instagram, they’ve all made plans without you.
Give everybody that’s involved the benefit of the doubt!
The worst thing we can do is start crafting a narrative in our own head — which, most likely, won’t be true, anyway.
If you think about addressing said friends in any sort of confrontation-like approach, you’ve already made the situation very adversarial. And no one wins when we approach a conversation from the standpoint of being enemies or putting somebody on blast or confrontation.
Nobody wins, we get defensive and everybody walks away unhappy.
The best way to handle a situation such as this (or similar) is to have a low-key conversation with the person who most needs to be addressed. And make it a personal point that you don’t:
- Come across like a victim
- Make any assumptions
- Let your emotions get in the way
Remember this…
We weren’t meant to be friends with everyone, and we certainly weren’t meant to be life-long friends with everyone.
It’s crazy because we know that relationships are hard and take work and that they’re not always comfortable. There are going to be tough times that we’ve got to work through, raise our communication levels, and, maybe, even go to therapy.
We know this about all kinds of relationships:
- Spouse
- Parents
- Siblings
- Children
And yet, it’s funny how we have this preconceived notion about friendships, that they’re supposed to be easy and effortless.
The best friendships that I have — lasting anywhere from 15 to 30 years — are the ones that have gone through major ups and downs.
The most rewarding friendships you’ll have are going to take:
- Work
- Difficult conversations
- Periods of time where you have to take a break
If someone has to apologize, you both have to come together. It’s no different from any other relationship.
I just think we, especially ladies, have unrealistic expectations when it comes to how we feel about friendships.
For much more on all things friendship (including additional questions asked by my audience), check out The Chalene Show below:
And don’t forget to subscribe to TCS for weekly shows geared to your overall joy, productivity and good health (mental and physical)!
