Bret, my husband, and I read every parenting book we could find. Whether it was before our children were born, while they were growing up or even now as we are empty nesters. The education never stops. And perhaps the most common theme we learned was to understand that — from the time your child is born — you must establish that you, the parent, are boss. Which is why, for example, debate shouldn’t be allowed between parents and kids.
Why Kids Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Debate Their Parents
When I hear parents engaging in debate with their kids, it’s a serious pet peeve for me.
- “Okay, if you do that one more time, I’m going to _____!”
- “I’m counting to 10 or else ______!”
- “If you don’t do your homework, I’m taking your iPad away for ____!”
And then what is often the result of these meaningless threats?
Kids hold their ground! They challenge and test until, eventually, the parent reaches exhaustion and simply gives up and gives in.
A child is like an elephant. They never forget how long it took for the parent to give in.
Hence, the next time the debate arises, the child will push longer and harder — remembering what worked the time before.
So now the kids and parents have entered this sort of dance/pattern, if you will, where boundaries and rules are continually re-established and up for debate.
Personal anecdote: From the moment our kids were old enough (around the age of two) to understand that no means no, that’s what they stuck to. Trust me, I know those are tough years — when they’re really testing. At home, in public. It can be embarrassing; it can be inconvenient.
But we never gave in because we read from great parenting experts that if you wanted to have an easier time with your kids, that’s what you needed to do.
And may I say, it’s really important that you and your partner — assuming you’re co-parenting your child — are on the same page in regard to this before you even bring a child into the world.
For much more related to this topic, like:
- My thoughts on name calling
- Why you have to spot check your teens
- How much privacy you should give teens
Then, you must check out this episode of The Chalene Show:
And don’t forget to subscribe to TCS for weekly shows dedicated to your overall personal development!