If you’re thinking I’ll get to the big reveal at the end of this blog about why marriage is hard, think again. I can sum it up in 3 words:
We. Are. Human.
No marriage is perfect and I would be quite wary of anyone — especially in the personal development space — who acts as if theirs is.
Spoiler alert: The interesting thing, about personal development is… it’s very personal.
When you bring two people together in a relationship, you’re asking them to work on themselves, individually, while ALSO coming together and making THAT work.
And let’s be honest, it’s not easy.
Writing from a personal place about Bret and I…
We’ve been married for 25 years and there have certainly been times when our marriage was on the brink of disaster.
In an effort to protect both our children and our marriage, we didn’t reveal the truth to most anyone in our lives. Because, ultimately, it was nobody’s business.
I didn’t want my parents to judge him and he didn’t want his parents to judge me. These were things we needed to work out as a couple through therapy.
One time, in particular, we were at one of our kid’s sporting events sitting right next to each other — holding hands. This game happened to be scheduled right in the middle of a serious argument and a difficult time in our marriage, altogether.
We both had big sunglasses on. And behind mine, my eyes were all red and bloodshot because I had been crying due to our most recent fight.
I remember holding on to his hand because it felt better to be quietly arguing.
And I just recall, in that moment, not being able to remember any good times but knowing we needed to work through things. We both knew in our souls that it wasn’t the right time to tell the world, “Oh, hey. We’re really, really struggling.”
Marriage Is Hard
Look, I’ve always been honest and said, “Marriage is hard.” I’ve said that when things are good and I’ve said that when things were not so good. Would you qualify that as lying? Was I duping my friends and family? No.
That was me doing the right thing for us and that’s all that matters. It’s no one’s business how we needed to handle things.
And, truth alert:
We don’t know anyone’s business.
Sure, we all want a relationship role model of sorts — but, by definition, they will always be an imperfect guide. This is because they’re human and a human is always going to be flawed.
Hence, why a marriage is always going to take lots of work.
We are all capable of disappointing our partner, but we are all equally capable of forgiveness.
If you’ve been married for more than a minute, you know this is true. There are days where you just don’t think it’s going to get better. Sometimes those days turn into months and then years.
But with the help of…
- A partner who wants to work on themselves and the relationship
…there is usually (and hopefully) a light at the end of the tunnel. To be sure, that’s not always going to be the case. Regardless, I pray for a happy and healthy outcome for good people who try and make it work. The rest is in God’s hands.
God understands us, forgives us and allows us to heal.
2020 has been a most challenging year for relationships — among other things. For more thoughts on things left uncertain due to this upside-down year, like: millions of jobs lost, several high profile couples divorcing, conversations around inequality and Covid-19… check out The Chalene Show podcast below:
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