The nature of fear affects relationships in ways many individuals never realize. What I’d like to focus on in this blog is how fear plays a role in those instances where you really like someone who never seems to like you back. The reciprocation just never comes. And yes, it can be frustrating — to say the least.
To be clear, this isn’t about your high school crush or someone you dated a few times who just wasn’t that into you.
I’m talking about your:
- Circle of friends
- Acquaintances
- Co-workers
It’s about that person you see often and think they’re kind of amazing. You’d like to be more connected to them. But, for whatever reason, it just doesn’t feel like they feel the same way. And you try and try not to read into it.
First, all kinds of innocent thoughts flood your head, like:
- Oh, they’re probably too busy!
- She probably already has a super tight knit group of friends.
- If only he knew how cool I really am!
But then other — not so innocent thoughts — hit you, like:
- Maybe there’s something wrong with me.
- Do I not have great things to offer?
- Is it that I don’t live in the right neighborhood?
- My car is nowhere near on their level, though.
The point is, you just think it’s plain old weird that this person you’re drawn to simply isn’t attracted to you — magnetically. And no, this isn’t about anything sexual. You just think they’re a cool cat and you’d like to hang out. That’s all.
So, what’s going on?
Many things might be the culprit, but fear is most likely at the top of the list.
How?
We fear people are going to see us for who we are and that it’s not going to be enough. They’ll lose interest fast. And the potential of this awesome person becoming a friend is lost forever. Ultimately, it comes down to feelings of rejection.
Here’s where the problem really lies, people…
That particular fear, which is very natural, winds up translating into inauthenticity.
See, you can’t 100% let your guard down and be as chill and as authentic as you are when you’re worried about rejection. You’ll show up in a way that feels:
- Different
- Less confident
- More guarded
- Needy
Let’s face it, those are not attractive traits and will not serve you in any relationship.
For much more detail and variation on this topic, like: why and how showboating can be both a turn off and turn on, how low energy might be affecting your potential relationships, and what it really means to be disagreeable… check out The Chalene Show podcast below!
And, don’t forget to subscribe to TCS for weekly shows dedicated to your personal growth!
