The first thing you have to recognize to make your relationship work — again — is that you have to care about growing. You, personally, without begrudgingly dragging your partner along.
For your relationship to be better, you have to be invested in being better.
The Work
Some things you might consider doing to grow:
- Read the books
- Listen to the podcasts
- Heal your past traumas / experiences
- Therapy
If you do all the above (or some variation of) and make the time, you’ll become an emotionally stronger person who’s better at communicating.
There’s always one partner.
In my experience, there’s almost always one partner who’s going to do more of the work. So, if that’s you, here’s my advice:
Don’t be resentful.
The reason why you might have to do more of the work is that God has bigger plans for you. He’s giving you more. And to whom more is given, more is expected.
Therefore, you have to implicitly and intentionally plan to grow and improve everything about yourself.
Healthy relationships are not equal partnerships.
Frankly, there’s always going to be one party who’s more:
- Emotionally intelligent
- Invested in personal growth
- Willing to change
Every single day I get a message from somebody on Instagram who will say,
“How do I get my partner involved with personal development / fitness / eating better?”
And the fact of the matter is we influence people by:
- Being positive role models
- Accepting them
- Showing love
I can’t say I’ve met too many couples where both parties are equally interested in going to therapy and reading some self-help books.
Let’s be honest, you’re reading this blog and, I’m guessing, feel somewhat alone in wanting to switch things up in your relationship.
We usually attract people who are opposite of us in many ways. Now, sure, they’re most likely very similar to us in many ways, too! But that particular piece — that quest for personal growth — needs to be YOUR hobby.
Not everybody will understand it and that’s okay because you’re going to make other people’s lives better. Including yours and your relationship!
For much more on this topic, like:
- The benefits exercise does for your relationship
- What to do if you’re lacking physical intimacy in your relationship
- The value of bringing appreciation into everything in your relationship (and how to do that)
Then, check out The Chalene Show episode below:
