Control issues. We all have them in different areas of our lives. There’s a more realistic type of control, like: what time you get out of bed in the morning or how often you work out. And then there’s unrealistic control, like: what other people say or getting older.
Today, I’d like to help you understand what causes control. I mean, why is it that we often need it so badly?
Now, in order to explore this topic, I’ll need you to be very honest with yourself and admit some things that may not be flattering.
Reason For Control #1: Fear of change.
In close-knit relationships — a friend, a loved one, a family member, a significant other — we want to control things due to fear of losing significance.
Reason For Control #2: Fear of the unknown.
These particular unknowns — which live only in your head — might result in:
- People thinking less of you
- Being afraid
- Feeling less than
Maybe you have jealousy / insecurity / trust issues and because of that you want to be in charge of all things.
Reason For Control #3: Afraid of making mistakes.
In whatever given situation, you’re sure things will go wrong and then it would be blamed on you. Or you’re afraid that if you don’t control every single little detail, well, then, the world feels like it’s coming to an end.
Let me share why I like to be in control. And, for the record, this is me getting super vulnerable, people!
This is an issue I’ve been trying to work on for the last several years, for sure. And the less I feel the need to control things, the better my life is.
The area in which I really do experience control issues is in social settings. This happened recently for a meetup I had with listeners of The Chalene Show. There was a lot about this particular gathering that was spontaneous.
So, I immediately went into research mode because I don’t like surprises. That’s just how I kind of handle everything when I get nervous, or insecure, or I have something new to do.
My sleuthing skills began with exploring meetups and what they look like. I found the two most popular kinds were complete and opposite extremes. And that, alone, made me quite uneasy.
How did I deal with the prep of the event and what eventually went down? Well, for the full story, plus:
- Understanding where you’re need for control comes from
- Why you should do what you feel good about (and end it there)
- How to have (and the value of) realistic expectations
Then you must listen to the TCS podcast below:
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