How is Self-Esteem Destroyed?

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I’ve written countless blogs and recorded endless podcasts all on the subject of self-esteem and/or confidence. Shoot, one of my most popular online courses — Courageous Confidence Club — focuses solely on this ONE super important feeling/emotion/mental state. And yet, I’ve never quite approached the topic as I will today.

What might you be doing that is actually hurting your confidence? In other words…

How is Self-Esteem Destroyed?

How Self-Esteem Destroyed and Confidence Taken Away

1: Apologizing excessively.

Now, I do think it’s important to have the courage and the strength to be able to apologize. Some people can’t apologize, and I think that’s a problem. I’m specifically referencing those who apologize for everything. They apologize for their:

  • bad hair day
  • house looking messy
  • child crying
When someone’s constantly apologizing, they’re subconsciously telling themselves that they’re a burden, they’ve done something wrong, that they aren’t enough.

And that takes a toll.

2. Obsessing about something that’s wrong.

This is something you can do mentally and verbally. Both — are really, really bad for your confidence.

I have to take a cue for my mom, Marge, on this one. She never spoke negatively about her:

  • weight
  • hair
  • height


By the way, my mom is 4’11” — and she’s the most adorable.

And yeah, there were times growing up when I remember her being a little bit heavier, losing weight, gaining some back… but she never freaking talked about those things. I have no memory of her ever putting herself down.

And I really do believe my mom’s example is one of the reasons my self-esteem is in check. We take cues from our parents.

Self-Esteem is often Destroyed by Parents

So, if I have a few pounds to lose, you won’t hear me talk about it. Because — it gives it more power, more energy, and that diminishes your confidence.

3. Putting yourself in situations where you know you’re going to feel bad.

Picture it: You get invited to hang out with a certain group of acquaintances. However, these ladies make you feel like an outsider. Not to mention, they don’t ask you any questions.

Well then, don’t go. Decline the offer.

When we’re around those kinds of people, we tend to overdo it — trying to prove our worth. Hence, you inevitably leave feeling less than and, oftentimes, destroyed emotionally.

On a related note, scrolling certain pages on social media could very well qualify as voluntarily putting yourself in a bad situation.

But that one leans more toward my next point…


For that and additional ways confidence/self-esteem is destroyed, you must check out The Chalene Show episode below:

And don’t forget to subscribe to TCS for weekly shows dedicated to your overall happiness and wellbeing!


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